I think it's safe to assume that we have all seen the movie "Old School", correct? Well if I didn't know any better, I would have sworn that I was actually on a date with Will Farrell's character "Frank" from the movie! Except my Frank was a thousand times more attractive! lol!
So lets dive right into the night, shall we....
Our conversations BEFORE we decided to meet up were amazing! We had chatted on the phone several times. (And quick side note here): I honestly believe that talking on the phone is a lost art form! I mean, how often do you actually pick up the phone and call someone? Now and days, texting is the preferred method of communication, right?..... I mean, I do a ton of texting! So much so, that I had almost completely forgotten that my cellular devise has the ability to dial someone's ten digit phone number, and if I speak directly into the phone, I can exchange verbal dialogue with a person of my choosing. That being said, I was pleasantly surprised when after a few email exchanges, Frank insisted that we actually TALK and FaceTime one another..... Now, lets pause right here.... One might think that by now I would have learned that when someone tells you who they are, you should really listen to them. Really take it in! Absorb what they are saying..... because after all, they know themselves better than anyone else does, and they are voluntarily giving you raw insight to their true personality and behavior! Well, lets just say that when he told me that he had not been out in a while, and that he was looking forward to saturday, because he was going to get (and I quote) "White Boy Wasted!", I probably should not have laughed it off as just excitement and exaggeration!! #LessonLearned!
So I should probably share with you that I prefer to have the guys I date, make all the plans for the evening.... From choosing the time, the place, our attire... literally everything on a first date! Even down to him making suggestions on what I should order for supper, followed up with him addressing our waitress/waiter directly, and ordering for me. I do this for a few reasons.... One: It allows me to gauge their level of self confidence, Two: their ability to discern and make decisions, Three: understand what their idea of "fine dining vs. casual dining" is, Four: their willingness to take a leadership role, Five: how closely they pay attention to things I have said in the past and take them into consideration while planning, Six: who's needs they will automatically put first, Seven: how much of a gentleman they are, and Eight: how well their manners are..... Believe me, I could go on and on with the level of importance I see in this, but I'm pretty sure by now, you understand the picture I am trying to paint for you :o)
Frank waited until literally the last min to finalize our plans and then randomly decided that it would be a good idea for us to meet at a little place in Ft. Worth called the "Dirty Crow"..... Now I don't know what you would have thought, but I knew right away that I was without a doubt, in for an adventure!!!! We got there at 2:00 in the afternoon and had not been sitting at the bar for more than four minuets when he again randomly made the decision that we were going to spend our entire afternoon taking shots of patron!
***Lets keep in mind here that at this point, Frank knows little about me. He surely didn't know that I am a savant when it comes to consuming and controlling my alcohol intake.... I have actually been training my liver for an entire decade for an Olympic event such as this!!*** (So he ordered four shots..... and this my friends, is where the "fun" began!!)
Now the trick to drinking such copious and potent amounts of alcohol, is hydration..... A trick that our little friend Frank here, is apparently unaware of!! lol! We must have been 5or6 shots in, when I could tell that the world as he knew it, was spinning on its axis just a little faster than normal for him!! His words started to slur, his sentence structure became almost incomprehensible, his balance (and personal safety) was compromised, his emotions were running wild, and his outward affection towards me was steadily increasing!! Fast forward to shot #13, and as I am returning back to my seat from yet another bathroom break, I am surprised to find my date has joined the group of selfie taking girls playing pool behind us! He waved me over and introduced me to: "drunk girl #1, drunk girl #2, blond girl #1, back to drunk girl #2 and their ugly friend"..... Trust me, I was just as speechless with his intro, as you probably are right now! After a brief meaningless conversation, we sat back down in our seats, and Frank started to ramble off a list of things he would love to do once we left the bar...... one being "streaking down to the quad!" Its important to mention that it is now about 10:45PM. From this moment on, he talked about wanting tacos! Not just any tacos, mind you..... he wanted something called "flat tacos." So for the next 3hrs, 15min and 6shots, all I heard about were these damn flat tacos!!!!! I still have no idea what they are, but I feel as if my life will never be complete until I try one!!
He paid our rather large tab at 2:AM and we walked out of the bar together. I was holding his arm..... not as a form of affection, but out of pure necessity... he literally could not stand on his own!! He insisted on "walking" me to my car, because that was the gentlemanly thing to do. HaHa! When we got there (50ft away) he leaned on my SUV with one hand, and proceeded to unzip his pants with the other, and pee allllllllllll over my car!!! As if that was not bad enough, he somehow managed to get himself tangled up in the zipper..... which I'm guessing was extremely painful, because he started crying huge crocodile tears, like a little girl!!! I helped him into my backseat and drove him home...... I then helped him get out and walked him to his front door and left him asleep on his portch!
He attempted to call and text me a total of 42times the next day.... with every single message saying the exact same thing: "I am so unbelievably sorry and so embarrassed..... please forgive me and please talk to me!"
I think it goes without saying that we will NOT be having a second date!! lol!!
(c)
No comments:
Post a Comment